When loving him was wrong…
At the age of 15 is when it all began. Tall, red and handsome he was an eye catcher for myself; first job, playing both high school basketball and AAU. He was nice to look at and I just had to be his girlfriend. I was just eager to step into womanhood. Oblivious to what was on the other side. High school can be a bit of a war with the principles instilled versus the constant reminder of peer pressure. Yes, I stayed in a two parent household. It doesn’t mean curiosity didn’t get the best of me to see how hot that stove was.
Furthermore, I was so head over heels over this guy that I found myself compromising with things I said I’d never put up with. It wasn’t him. It was never him. I was the one that accepted it. Oftentimes he’d tell me I was “too good” for him. I used to get so defensive that I never took the time to hear him. This on and off relationship did not end its course until the age of 22. I received a picture message of a positive pregnancy test. It wasn’t mine. Surprisingly I did not get upset. At this time I was seeking for my worth. I knew then, it was a wrap. Nothing against anyone else’s preference but I wasn’t settling to play the step mother’s role at a young age. Something in me stood up. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What I was putting up with in this relationship I was deemed stupid. I should’ve played my role and allowed him to take care of me. That’s what the streets were saying. Truthfully, I was afraid to let it go because I was a people pleaser. Caught up in what they say and not what God says.
When loving him was wrong I knew it wasn’t right. I realized I was addicted to his lifestyle, the ability to provide at the age we were. All of this was new to me and I was drawn to it. When we are in love with someone, it’s an overwhelmingly strong attraction; one that is persistent, urgent and extremely challenging to ignore. To a woman who is seeking love, be in position. We’re not hunters so stop looking.