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“The Sweeping under the Rug Syndrome”

Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone? But you hadn’t. Well, I thought I had forgiven but all I had done was suppress it and tell myself, God will handle it. The root of being molested was still there, I was experiencing, “the sweeping under the rug syndrome.”

After my mom passed in 2017, my dad called and said, “Angel I am here, you still have one parent left.” I remember a flood of emotions overtook me, I became angry, mad, frustrated, and bitter. I told my dad, “the best parent I had, left me on January 15, 2017.” My father became quiet and then repeated, “I am here whenever you need me daughter.” I just hung up. I heard God say, “I told you, there is no forgiveness.” We didn’t speak for about two years.

The sweeping under the rug syndrome was eating away at me like cancer. Truth is, it was easy for me to hate my dad because I was disappointed and tired of not understanding why he stole my innocents from me.

I remember hearing God say, “I want to free you Angel, but you won’t let me peel back the layers of this rug. You are so jacked up. How can you say you love me, not so?” I began to cry out, “God help me!” God allowed my dad to reach out once more, it was at this moment God was about to free not just me but my Father also.

“Angel I am in the hospital,” I paused and asked, “What it wrong?” He said, “Will you please forgive me for what I did to you, I was sick and didn’t know how to get help.” I felt the rug being pulled back and God began to sweep away all I had housed in me for about thirty-five years. “Dad I first must forgive myself for blaming me all these years, and then I can forgive you.” I realized, I needed my dad and he needed me. I had to be released before I could forgive him or myself. God had to cut it at the root to free me and my dad.

That only happens by holding ourselves accountable. God restored our bond, but we had to be first forgive ourselves before we could forgive each other.

-Auntie Sherise

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