Setting Boundaries is New
I remember being introduced to “setting boundaries” back in 2020 when I enrolled into EmbraceU for my Life coaching certification. Looking back, that’s when I began to notice the areas of when setting a boundary was necessary. Those whom I thought were close friends and family were overstepping their boundaries by not being considerate of the fact I just lost my mother. With that awareness, it was still very hard to say no. It was hard to not be there for those whom I got use to helping. In return, frustration, anger, depression, grief all hit me at one time. And these people today aren’t no where to be found.
Upon research, if there weren’t any boundaries set in your childhood, then you’re going to struggle with setting healthy boundaries as an adult. Tears begin to flow as I reflect back to my childhood. Realizing how much I needed to know what boundaries were and the areas of when setting boundaries was necessary. I could’ve avoided a lot of pain and humiliation in my life. I’d always listen and try to understand but don’t get it in return. I’d always overextend to prove to others I’m not who you perceive me to be.
In elementary school I remember how the kids were very flip floppy. One day I’m they’re best friend. I’m one of the coolest people. The next day, I’m on their “hit list!” So to the point I remember getting off the bus and running home to avoid getting jumped by these girls I thought were my friends. Here’s the point, when they’d want to be friends again I was always making myself available. In my little mind, I couldn’t grasp what was the point of this. Why am I the target? Is this what kids do?
Somewhere down the line I gained this mentality not to be a burden on others. So I’d never talk about it with my immediate family.
Not setting boundaries lead to me graduating high school with 14 referrals. All for the same reason. “My mouth!” Not setting boundaries lead me to double back on people and things I shouldn’t have. At some degree the feeling of the need to prove a point becomes overwhelming.
Are you struggling with saying no? Do you find yourself putting your goals on hold just to appease others? Better yet, are you finding yourself going into a continuous cycle with the same people, refusing to let go? Setting healthy boundaries for yourself protects your peace. It protects your sanity. It’s ok to say no with no explanation. It’s ok to set them before establishing a relationship. I too am learning to create them and stand on it! Not being so moved by the men and they’re many faces. You’re probably saying, I may not have any friends after implementing these boundaries…you won’t! Get use to it.
Your boundaries are in partnership with your respect. You want respect? Set boundaries!