Love Out Loud
Throughout my childhood, I struggled with the concept of love. My family wasn’t affectionate at all, so I didn’t know how to give or receive love. I knew my parents loved me because they took care of me, but it wasn’t displayed in our home. I would often wonder why? As I developed into teenage and adulthood, the example I had was what I considered to be normal. Normal being, as long as someone is “there” then they love you.
They don’t have to say it or express it, it’s just implied with their presence. So, as I began to date and eventually marry, that’s exactly what I looked for. If a man showed himself to be a provider, then he loved me. If he was “in” the home, then he loved me. If he half way showed interest in the things I liked, then he loved me.
I can’t really recall when the light clicked on for me, but I realized that I was repeating the same cycle I grew up in. At that moment, I wanted more! Even though I wanted more, I still didn’t know how to express it. I had to dig deep, DEEP! Pushing past the alt that I had with my father for not being expressive enough; showing not one emotion. Pushing past the agitation I had with my parents, for not expressing their love for one another in front of my brother and I.
How did I do that? I didn’t, but God did! I had to let God do the work, He had to transform my mind and operate on my heart. That was life changing for me! And guess what, the cycle stopped with me! And today it stops with you!