• Sabrina Bordley

I Forgive You and Me!

My mom was in and out of my life. There were times I would get angry, because I did not understand why she would come around and show me the best time of my life, then go missing for months. When she would drop me back off at my dad’s house, after spending the weekend with her I would have moments where I would wish she never came to begin with. I felt like that because the abandonment tormented me every time we parted ways. It did not take me long to realize that she chose sex & drugs over me.

I spent countless nights laying in my bed crying and asking the ceiling, why didn’t she want me?! I kept those feelings and emotions inside, and when she would show up at my dad’s door I would just smile, give her the biggest hug, and prepare myself to experience one of the best weekends of my life. It was so strange, I would ask myself, how is she capable of showing me so much love in such a short period of time? But then go without seeing me for months.

She would do her best to make up for lost time by allowing me to drink, smoke, and have my boyfriend at her house while I was still in high school. I had mommy issues and I resented her for it. I did not have a mom to demonstrate how to pick the “right man” or how to “be loved” properly. The closer I got to God the more I realized she did love me. She loved me enough to allow my dad to raise me. As I forgive HER, I forgave the Shenice that was becoming HER!

-Auntie Shenice

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