I AM FREE! I CHOOSE ME!
My life story is my life story and I will no longer allow my past hurts of not feeling as if i'm not loved or enough, to define who I am. I was born dark skinned, skinny, big popped eyes with big lips. A little girl who was called everything but beautiful. I grew up to be a woman who had been living life trying to survive. I’ve been hurt, abused, depressed, moments of feeling unloved and unwanted by my mother, father, family, friends and others who were a part of my life. Growing up I believed no one loved me but my grandmother and she was the only one who understood me. She loved me, she took care of me, she fed me both natural and spiritual food. She taught me how to pray. In my deepest moments of heartbrokenness, pain, suicidal thoughts, isolation, friendless, motherless, fatherless, prayer is what saved me. My grandmother taught me to read the Bible and that Jesus will be there when nobody else would be. There are times in my deepest moments of depression, when I'm hurt and the spirit of loneliness tries to overtake me, I hear that still voice that reminds me of how much Jesus loves me.
There are times and moments when I’m treated differently from my siblings(and their families) and it hurts and I retreat back to the little girl in my mind, I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I retreat back to isolating myself and not expressing how I feel and cry and begin to question myself as a person. Why don't they love me? Why am I not enough? Why do I always have to watch what I say and act in a way to make them feel relevant? Why doesn't anyone ever call to just check on me and my family or when they do call they want something from me? Why do I always have to seem like I'm ok and shy back from my true feelings?
IN THIS PLACE, I will live my truth and be the woman who God has called me to be. In this season of my life, I know who I am and whose I am and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I will no longer allow my family and those around me to cause me to retract back to my past. I am blessed and highly favored and how they feel about me is not my problem but theirs. In the words of Master Coach Mechelle I can’t “unhappen” what has happened to me but I can control the people and things that I allow to be a part of my “now” and I will only allow those who love and appreciate me for the woman that I am.
IN THIS PLACE, I will communicate when you try to hurt or mistreat me, instead of isolating and shutting down, I will not allow anything that has nothing to do with my purpose to be a distraction in my life. I will love those who love me and I will protect my peace by not allowing people in my space that cause a disturbance to my spirit. I will not let anyone rob me of my JOY anymore.
I’m not that little girl you can mistreat anymore, I do not give you permission to try to steal my peace! I AM FREE to live my best life and if you can’t accept me for me, then it's OK for you to not be a part of my life. I AM FREE TO LIVE MY BEST LIFE! IN THIS PLACE I CHOOSE ME!
Pearl Nuggets to Living your best life:
Don't give anyone permission to take your joy and peace. You are loved and Favored by God. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Let all that you do be done in love. Above anything in life, love one another even when they seem as though they may have issues with you.