Addicted To The Wrong Kind Of Love.
Whew....there are so many ways that this topic could be spent, but what I have found is that the only way to spin it, is to talk about what I know. It's not about a man, but it's about seeking the approval of others and thriving on external recognition in order to feel loved. Webster's dictionary defines love as, "the object of attachment, devotion or admiration". I see now based the the last few words that I solely sought admiration from those around me.
As a child, I was the only child. I was the first granddaughter to my paternal grandparents. I was the first niece my paternal aunts and uncles. I was my mother's first child, therefore there were a lot of first for me, which meant the bar was stacked high. I was not a troublesome child. I had manners. I knew when to speak and when to be quiet. I was taught etiquette inside the home and outside. I made good grades and stayed away from drama and confusion. I had it all together until I became older and realized that in all the things that I knew and didn't know grace.
I knew it was something we said at the dinner table, but never really knew who she was until I realized that I had never experience the leverage that she provided. You see when I did well I was rewarded and I always did well. I always wanted to do well because that meant that everyone around would approve. Stay with me!
I lead a sheltered life. Although, I did know what hard times felt like. As I grew older I began to realize that I constantly did things with the hopes that someone would notice and say, "job well done." Devoted with a yearning for admiration.
Now don't get me wrong, it took me 38 years to realize who I was and that the pat on the back was nice, but it was no longer required. I just freed ten people!!!
I am an amazing person and I do and have done some amazing things, but if they never recognize who I am; I STILL AM, WHO I AM! The satisfaction that I receive now comes from with in and begins to shine on the outside.
My smile is a true reflection of the love that I now have for myself; their approval is NO LONGER REQUIRED. I simply need you to repeat that statement; their approval is NO LONGER REQUIRED and once you mean it, you will then become free to move about the cabin. No longer bound. No longer restrained, simple free to move about the cabin.
-Coach Sabrina B.